Relationship Management: Getting on the Same Page with Your Significant Other and Downsizing

When there are multiple people involved in downsizing a household, it is extremely common for one person to be ready to tackle the process and the other person to be more apprehensive or not ready. It can sometimes take years to align on when it’s time to start decluttering and downsizing. So what do you do if you’re ready to move towards that goal but your significant other wants nothing to do with the process (...yet)?

There are some things we can consider and some conversations that we can have to try to help. But it’s also important to keep in mind that it is really difficult to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. I hope these tips will be helpful for you. If it feels like they’re not working, remember: you’re dealing with another human with free will, their own opinions and ideas, and their own motivations. You might not be able to help them get there. They might have to arrive at the process on their own time.

Here are the tips!

Communicate Your Why

The best place to start will probably be a conversation about your reasons for wanting to declutter. Make sure your significant other knows how important tackling this process is to you and why it’s important. See if they have a decluttering/downsizing why. If they don’t, make sure you understand their “why NOT.”

Discuss Spaces

Maybe they’re not open to decluttering because the space they’re planning to work on is too emotionally charged. You might be able to help them discover a different space that would be easier to get started in. Identifying the right space can make getting started feel less intimidating.

Offer to Help

We all need a little support from time to time. The prospect of working through those decisions alone might feel like too much for your significant other. Offer to work together until they start to feel more comfortable with the process.

Make Decluttering Fun

There are many ways you can make the process fun. Consider having some friendly competition around who can find the most items to donate in a certain time period. Or who can fill the most trash bags during the weekly decluttering sessions. If you don’t have a competitive spirit, that’s ok too. Bring the fun by playing music that keeps you feeling energized and upbeat while you’re working. 

Start with Your Stuff

Do your best to work with your significant other but know that you might have to do some work without them. Working alone can be isolating but it’s doable. Most of us have plenty of things we can work through solo before we get to the things we need to collaborate with our significant other on. 

It is really important to remember not to declutter your significant other’s stuff for them, unless they’ve asked you to or given you permission to do so. It can create really negative feelings when someone gets rid of something without consulting you. You might not truly know what an object meant to your significant other without talking with them first.

Good luck managing the relationship side of the process. It can be so rewarding to collaborate on the process but also don’t forget that there’s much you can get done without involving other people.